Parental alienation is shown using a text
One of the toughest issues facing parenting coordinators is where one parent accuses the other of child alienation. For PCs like me, who are lawyers and not mental health professionals, it can seem like a daunting challenge.
And so I recently attended “Children Resisting Post-Separation Contact: Concepts, Controversies, Assessment and Intervention” led by eminent experts on the topic, Dr. Barbara Fidler and Dr. Shely Polak. It was an incredible opportunity to be immersed in such an intense learning environment, and it proved the maxim “the more you learn, the less you know”.
It seems that more separated parents are alleging “parental alienation”. The term itself is controversial and confusing. There is a wide spectrum of causes for parent-child-contact-problems and some parents who allege parental alienation are confusing the term with parental alienating behaviours.
Parental alienating behaviours (“PAB”) do not necessarily lead to child alienation. However, an ongoing pattern of negative attitudes and behaviours by one parent that denigrate or malign the other, coupled with the degree of impact on the child, will increase such a likelihood.
Drs. Fidler and Polak shared a helpful list of PABs that parenting coordinators can look out for, including where a parent:
- Badmouths, denigrates or disparages the other parent
- Portrays the other parent as dangerous, unloving, or unavailable
- Exaggerates and exploits the other parent’s behaviour, negative attributes or challenges
- Undermines the other parent
- Parentifies the child
- Creates the impression that time with the other parent is undesirable
- Over-shares legal or other inappropriate information with child
- Co-opts the child as a messenger or spy
- Conspires with child to mislead the other parent or to withhold information and keep secrets from them
- Has surreptitious contact with the child when they are with the other parent
- Limits, interferes with or withholds parenting time and contact
- Is unreasonably inflexible around schedule changes
- Withholds love and affection from the child when the child shows interest in or affection for the other parent , or when the child does not share and act on that parent’s views about the other parent
- Disparages the other parent’s family members
- Co-opts neighbours, therapists, school personnel and others in an effort to garner support and turn them against the other parent
- Supports the child to make a life altering decision to never see a parent again
- Allows, without correction, the child to call their other parent by their first name
- Changes the child’s name to remove any association with their other parent
- Withholds information about the child from the other parent.
They also shared with us some of the things that alienating parents will NOT do:
- Talk positively about the other parent or the child’s time with them
- Have photos of other parent visible at home
- Talk directly to the other parent
- Support the child’s relationship with other parent
- “Problem solve” with the child about realistic and relationship shortcomings with the other parent as they would with others (teachers, friends, relatives etc.)
- Co-operate with the other parent around rescheduling for vacations or special events (weddings, funerals)
- Give consistent messages about the other parent.
As a parenting coordinator, I found this training exceptionally helpful in identifying behaviours that may indicate or lead to parental alienation. I highly recommend this training for anyone who, like me, is looking for ways to better support parents and their children when concerns about possible parental alienation are raised— something that has become all-too-common in our practices.
The post What Parenting Coordinators Need to know about Parental Alienation appeared first on Riverdale Mediation Services.